Mark Twain Quotes

Mark twain - when angry, count four; when very angry, swear....
Mark twain - keep away from people who try to belittle your...

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Mark Twain
Imagination is always the fabric of social life and the dynamic of history. The influence of real needs and compulsions, of real interests and materials, is indirect because the crowd is never conscious of it.
Mark Twain
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Mark Twain

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - - And stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - - And that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - i have never examined the subject of humor until...
Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.
Mark Twain
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Mark Twain
Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
Mark Twain
Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.
Mark Twain
Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.
Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
Mark Twain
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty - Four.
Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain
After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
Mark Twain
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.
Mark Twain
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark Twain
I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.
Mark Twain
When I was a child people simply looked about them and were moderately happy today they peer beyond the seven seas, bury themselves waist deep in tidings, and by and large what they see and hear makes them unutterably sad.
Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - - Or needs to.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
A man is accepted into church for what he believes - - And turned out for what he knows.
Mark Twain
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish.
Mark Twain
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Mark Twain
We all have thoughts that would shame the devil.
Mark Twain
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark Twain
Man will do many things to get himself loved he will do all things to get himself envied.
Mark Twain