Mark Twain Quotes

Mark twain - the holy passion of friendship is so sweet and...
Mark twain - honesty is the best policy - when there is money...

Man is the only animal that blushes - - Or needs to.
Mark Twain
I am an old man and have a great many troubles, But most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
Mark Twain
October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, April, September, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - i never could tell a lie that anybody would...
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark Twain
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.
Mark Twain
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark Twain
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
Mark Twain
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Mark Twain
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.
Mark Twain
Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.
Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.
Mark Twain
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
Mark Twain
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
Mark Twain
Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned. - Notebook, 1898.
Mark Twain
So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
Mark Twain
Be good and you will be lonesome.
Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
Mark Twain
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark Twain
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.
Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.
Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - Not absence of fear.
Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - - And stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - - And that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain
We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether they was made or just happened.
Mark Twain
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
The billiard table is better than the doctor.
Mark Twain
Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it....
Mark Twain