Mark Twain Quotes

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Mark Twain
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
Mark Twain

Mark twain - there ought to be a room in every house to swear...
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain
It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.
Mark Twain
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark Twain

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - in paris they simply stared when i spoke to them...
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - always do right. this will gratify some people...
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.
Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles.. by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
Mark Twain
It is noble to teach oneself, it is still nobler to teach others.
Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Mark Twain
The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.
Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow - Mindedness.
Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
Mark Twain
After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read.
Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - - A christian.
Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence - - And then success is sure.
Mark Twain
His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.
Mark Twain
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
Mark Twain
The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.
Mark Twain
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
Mark Twain
We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world.
Mark Twain
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
Mark Twain