Mark Twain Quotes

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
Mark Twain
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain

Mark twain - honesty is the best policy - when there is money...
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain
I can live two months on a good compliment.
Mark Twain
We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
Mark Twain

All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - if you pick up a starving dog and make him...
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Mark Twain
The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - when i was a child people simply looked about...
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
Virtue has never been as respectable as money.
Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - - And stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - - And that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
Mark Twain
I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.
Mark Twain
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain
I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.
Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
Mark Twain
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.
Mark Twain
Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.
Mark Twain
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.
Mark Twain
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - And children.
Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
Mark Twain
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain
All say, How hard it is that we have to die - - A strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain
If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, what counts is the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain