Mark Twain Quotes
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow - Mindedness.Mark Twain
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.Mark Twain
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.Mark Twain
Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.Mark Twain
I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.Mark Twain
On his deathbed Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuse are for all - - The soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.Mark Twain
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.Mark Twain
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.Mark Twain
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.Mark Twain
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.Mark Twain
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.Mark Twain
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.Mark Twain
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.Mark Twain
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.Mark Twain
George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - He could not even lie.Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - - And stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - - And that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.Mark Twain
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.Mark Twain
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.Mark Twain
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.Mark Twain
