Mark Twain Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
Mark Twain
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Mark Twain

Mark twain - time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be...
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
Mark Twain

I am an old man and have a great many troubles, But most of them never happened.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - in the first place, god made idiots. that was for...
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - it could probably be shown by facts and figures...
Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.
Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.
Mark Twain
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
Mark Twain
Virtue has never been as respectable as money.
Mark Twain
A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain
To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler - - And less trouble.
Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
Mark Twain
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
Mark Twain
George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - He could not even lie.
Mark Twain
I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.
Mark Twain
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish.
Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Mark Twain
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.
Mark Twain
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries.
Mark Twain
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Mark Twain
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain