Mark Twain Quotes

Mark twain - when one has tasted watermelon he knows what the...
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Mark Twain

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - most people are bothered by those passages of...
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Mark Twain
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain

Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.
Mark Twain
Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.
Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark Twain
Behold, the fool saith, Put not all thine eggs in the one basket, - - which is but a manner of saying, Scatter your money and your attention, but the wise man saith, Put all your eggs in the one basket and - - watch that basket.
Mark Twain
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain
Mark twain - the best way to cheer yourself up is to try to...
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
Mark Twain
An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good - Natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.
Mark Twain
In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.
Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
When in doubt, tell the truth.
Mark Twain
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.
Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Mark Twain
So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - A Christian.
Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.
Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk, ruined.
Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
Mark Twain
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.
Mark Twain
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain
On his deathbed Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuse are for all - - The soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
Mark Twain
All say, How hard it is that we have to die - - A strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - - Or needs to.
Mark Twain