Mark Twain Quotes
Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.Mark Twain
Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.Mark Twain
We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether they was made or just happened.Mark Twain
Carlyle said, A lie cannot live; it shows he did not know how to tell them.Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - Either by themselves or by others.Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.Mark Twain
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.Mark Twain
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow - Mindedness.Mark Twain
It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races.Mark Twain
Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.Mark Twain
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - - And stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - - And that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.Mark Twain
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.Mark Twain
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.Mark Twain
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.Mark Twain
I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.Mark Twain
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.Mark Twain
