Mark Twain Quotes
It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908.Mark Twain
A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.Mark Twain
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.Mark Twain
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.Mark Twain
I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - - Or needs to.Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.Mark Twain
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - And stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove - Lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove - Lid again - And that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.Mark Twain
It is discouraging to try and penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.Mark Twain
A man is accepted into church for what he believes - - And turned out for what he knows.Mark Twain
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.Mark Twain
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.Mark Twain
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.Mark Twain
We all have thoughts that would shame the devil.Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.Mark Twain
The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.Mark Twain
Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.Mark Twain
I am an old man and have a great many troubles, But most of them never happened.Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.Mark Twain
